06/08/2025
here we go the bad news, yep i didnt have any goodluck and ofcourse because of myself. btw im talking about schols, especialy school friendship. i think its gonna be the same first year i will feel like having a friend goup or smth and turns out im just a filler or maybe im the one who make it worse because of my doings. like i said i always make things worst.
well i write this just because my friends was asking me for ike "hey can you show me the school project the one teacher tell us abt?" and i didnt read that part well and my phone was died too so i using my laptop and somehow it doesnt showing any notificaations. altho i leave the laptop in my room so any notifications would be useless, and when i got back he asking again, and btw i was writing my project too. so i just give him the link of th eexample of the project.
then he's mad bcz im unfocus and late responded, well ofc i late responded cuz the only device that connected to whatsaap its my laptop that time. well i dont want to make any unescessary drama so i just said ok, and he mad ofc and he hate me ofc.
ofc he hates me cuz its my fault. its my fault. its my fault. i always makes thing worst. (but it just one person) yeah it just one person, everytime i try to fix myself it just makes thing worst. maybe it just one person but idk whats in the future but i think they all eventually gonna hate me. just see maybe i dont have any friend or classmates. its my fault. i dont think my friendship will last long. you might thinking "well learn from the mistakes" yeah ofc i try, i always trying to do that but somehow theres like a curse (well i dont believe to curse but imma use this word) inside me, basically im a jinx, a quiet fat dumb fuck jinx.
ofc eventually they all gonna see me as no one later, or maybe now. just see
i dont hate them, i actually love them i never hate them. i love them, even tho eventually theyre see me as a weirdo, a dumb fuck who cant do easy shits. the suckest of the suckest. i think everyone see me as a dumb fuck later or maybe now. it just i feel like when i try to connect my self with people it always end up fast in a bad or boring way. everyone in school already has their close friends now, but me? nah lol my mom think i have friends or like close friends. but im just that one guy who show up when he needed or like filler of their life. well its been like this since i was born.
i see life as a movie, series or drama or anything like that. usually people like this think that "im the main character!" no actually its kinda unique somehow, i see people as a main character and they have their own movie. so example if i start being friends with them (i wish) i be a part of their movie and if its done or over then im turning back into dust. so i also see like when they do something i can see like what scene are they in rn. (what about you Fathar) oh i wish i know what am i. i am no one character except my family i guess.
omg why did i write this lol. well you wonder why write this emo stressful diaries ahh shit. well something happened to me this day and i think this is the first sign that my curse from junior high will be here again. and no one even gonna read this shit like if someone read this till the end chat "Arabesque" in the chatbox in my website. anyway soz for yap. bye.
for any of my classmates who read this blog, im sorry for being the words dumb useless shit on your life. asing useless thing, annoying. i just wanna experience how real friendship is. i never experience that and i wish i have. i never hate you. in fact that i learn a lot from you guys, i need to thanks a thousand times if i can maybe. it just im sorry for being weird friend. big but cant play any sports, look smart but dumb as fuck, annoying freaky ass shit. im sorry for everything. i always daydreaming that im your friend or maybe bestfriend, i always dream like i wish i have a good friendship, but ofc i think its impossible. i never hate you guys, maybe yall the one who feel uncomfortable anytime near me. i mean its only a month and someone already hates me. idk. im sorry. i wish i can be part of your adventures in school. but ofc i just make things worst so its impossible. i just dont know what to do anymore to not be lonely. ew lonely. what a uncomfortable word. "lonely" isnt it?. you all are a good person i know, you guys looks so smart tho everytime yall wanna seems dumb, im sorry. sorry. Keanu, Aqsa, Mikail, everyone in school. including junior high, im sorry Rio, Ahza, Yardan, Faqih, everyone. im sorry.