Loneliness, Ice Cream, and My Weird Weekend

26/10/2025

slice of life + honesty mode

So before I start yapping nonsense, I want to apologize for not writing a journal lately because SCHOOL gave too many assignments (actually because I was lazy). Okay, continue.

So before that, I want to talk about, uhh, friendship. Back in orientation week, I really hoped to have a best friend group that’s always together and has those silly moments like in movies such as Stranger Things. And honestly, because of how confident I was, it turns out I’m a floater. For context, it means I’m not anyone’s best friend, but also not anyone’s enemy, yet I’m not nothing either. It’s like that one character in movies who always appears but only in temporary scenes, like when someone needs help or when the main character needs someone to take their photo, and I’m the one holding the camera.

To be honest, I feel lonely. But if I keep thinking about being lonely, what’s the point? You’ll just stress over something that small. (But it keeps bothering me.) I thought it was the same for everyone, seeing them always together.

There was this one moment when I joined in on a conversation with classmates. No one answered, just looked for a second, or made a small joke. Like, what the heck was that? But fine, I guess I’m just better off being alone, doing everything on my own.

But guys, disclaimer: they never hated me. I’m just saying I’m nobody in their best memories.

Not only in real life. Somehow it also happens in online friendships. So I have this friend, or maybe best friend (I think), from Russia. He’s kinda funny, to be honest. There was one time he felt lonely, so he always played with me. I was having a good time because, being dumb, I thought he was a real friend. He wasn’t shy to share his stories, literally even his problems. But sometimes, how do I say this, he usually plays online really late, around midnight, because of the time zone difference. And since he’s kind of lonely, I had an idea. I befriended two other fun Russians (a little fun), and I invited him to the Discord server where we usually played together (my “white item” server).

And guess what? Now I’m the lonely one. He never invites me to play anymore, bro. He plays with those two people. But well, that’s good, at least my plan worked and he found friends to play with. But now I’m the one with no one to laugh with. The world should crush me, please.

Same thing in real life. It’s simple, I talk to someone, then suddenly they move to another circle and I’m alone again. It feels like a law of nature that I always end up doing things alone.

Okay enough with that sad emo vibe. On October 25th, Saturday, I was invited to work for a day at an event to handle coupon exchanges for ice cream.

Before work, I stayed overnight at an apartment with my cousins who were also staying there. During the trip I was shocked. Apparently, the apartment was in a private area and wow, I was shocked, is this even Indonesia? There were so many places I’ve never seen in Tangerang or Jakarta. Every ten minutes there’s a nightclub, and the building layouts are so neat compared to the capital city itself.

Arrived at the apartment, slept. The next morning, woke up at 5 AM, October 26th, Sunday. We went to the venue, it looked nice outside, but the inside was terrible. I worked at an anniversary event for Indogrosir. It’s like a local grocery company that I rarely even see. Honestly, Indogrosir doesn’t feel that big. And the place was so empty.

When we started, we were given only one table even though there were so many supplies. And when it began, people suddenly crowded in without queuing properly. Many adults just cut the line and shoved their coupons in front of my face. No wonder the discipline in this country is so low; people can’t even queue.

There were also many annoying moments. The sauce bottle for the ice cream toppings spilled. Literally spilled everywhere, and even worse, it spread across the whole table. My cousin and I panicked, but it was too crowded to clean, so we left it like that. The table was an absolute mess, with syrup, sprinkles, and melted ice cream all over it. It was disgusting. What made it worse was that there was a stage for the main event, and they kept playing dangdut songs non-stop. It was so annoying, totally ruined the mood. Then suddenly they played a DJ song too. It was a public event, they really didn’t read the room.

We got paid only 200,000 IDR, which is fine, but in 2025 that’s really not much. Probably gone in a week.

When we were about to go home, we ordered a Gocar. There were six of us, so we ordered a Gocar XL, which should fit seven people, but somehow we got a small car like a Toyota Calya. So we split up; my aunt and others went first by Grab, while my sister, cousin, and I waited for my dad to pick us up. Coincidentally, next to the Indogrosir hall, there was a Big Bad Wolf book sale. I was tempted to go, but we had too much stuff, so we went in turns. My sister and cousin went first, and I went in an hour later. But once I was there, I looked at books, saw the price, and immediately lost interest. I saw another one I liked, checked the price, lost interest again. The literal definition of “education is expensive.” Even for an 80k book, I had to think twice because I’m broke. I hate my financial situation right now.

Then I went home, and while in the car, I wrote this journal! Also below is some photos i take