Better than me.

29/10/2025

slice of life + honesty mode

So before I start yapping nonsense, I want to apologize for not writing a journal lately because SCHOOL gave too many assignments (actually because I was lazy). Okay, continue.

so today i just wanna yap about my future that kinda.. unsure what will happend. i mean of course no one can predict our future isnt it? what im trying to say that i dont have any goals. but before i yap about it i wanna tell you what happend to day a bit

So, this morning i was in a Religion class, and we learning about Zina (الزنا). basically its an Islamic legal term referring to unlawful sexual intercourse. According to traditional jurisprudence, zina can include adultery, fornication, prostitution, sodomy, incest, and bestiality.

So basically the teacher was talking about getting pregnant outside of marriage, explaining this and that bla bla blaaa. And honestly, out of all the things humans do in wrongdoing, getting pregnant outside of marriage then leaving their partner is the most annoying thing ever, it’s so cruel. I hate it deep down.

I don’t understand humans at all. How can they be so cruel. I’m curious what they’re thinking, yeah I know at that time they probably felt hormonal and wanted to do that bla bla bla but this isn’t the time, stupid. At least go get married first, get a job and then have kids. Ugh.

Anyway.

I’m still thinking. Why is everyone always better than me. Not that I’m feeling envy (well actually kinda feel it). It feels like it’s impossible for me to get into a medical major. My friends’ biology grades, even those who aren’t even in the science major, are way better. I admire them. And it also feels like I’ll always be left behind wherever I am. Everyone’s smarter than me.

Well I’m not saying that they’re arrogant or anything. Honestly they’re really kind, smart and kind. Man I love all my friends. It’s just whenever I’m trying to catch up, I always fall behind. It feels like I don’t belong here. I’m also not saying that I’m lazy to study or stuff. I would love to study and I did actually, it’s just somehow everyone’s always ahead. I really feel I don’t belong here.

But honestly I’m confused why they even want to be friends with someone this dumb which is me. I always say “hah?” every time they talk. Like a confused person (I’m always confused anyway). I’m so confused what I’m good at. Every time I feel I’m good at something it always turns out I’m still behind.

People always say that people like me because I’m kind? Pffft “kind”. I don’t know if that’s true or not but everyone can be kind. I’m not special or something. I’m still confused. I think my friends have more empathy and care than I do.

Arrived at the apartment, slept. The next morning, woke up at 5 AM, October 26th, Sunday. We went to the venue, it looked nice outside, but the inside was terrible. I worked at an anniversary event for Indogrosir. It’s like a local grocery company that I rarely even see. Honestly, Indogrosir doesn’t feel that big. And the place was so empty.

Song for today!