03/11/2025-08/11/2025
five days that feel like months
Day 0
so before i tell you the whole week. this week i go to Garut, West java. its like school trip homestay somethin idk. and the bus ride was so chaotic and funny. they wont stop singing songs especially dangdut genre song. so i record them all the time and it was fun.
Day 1
The bus ride was fun, and the village looked really beautiful and fresh. I got foster parents who were incredibly kind. But at some point, I got lost and started to feel kind of alone.
Day 2
This day was all about the camera. I don’t even know why, but it felt like my whole existence revolved around it. Still, even while holding the camera, I felt alone, like I was just there to observe, not to belong.
Day 3
I woke up late for the dawn prayer and my phone got taken away. Aqsa kept coming to me again and again, but in the end he still hung out with his own friends. The bad news was that those who came late had to go in a group together, and I ended up with people who were really wild. During the trip, they spoke harshly, something I sometimes do too, but what made me mad was how they insulted their own friends, especially the nice ones. They made fun of people’s looks and personalities. I stayed quiet, but it made me feel guilty. It made me realize that friendships are strange these days. Maybe real friendship doesn’t exist anymore. Before we left, someone passed away, which made everything feel heavier. We went rafting later, and I thought I would get closer to people, but it turned out the same.
Day 4
I woke up really early because I was scared of being late again and losing my phone. The morning felt weird, like I wasn’t close to anyone. I became the MC for the bazaar event, which was fun but exhausting. Still, that distance stayed. I started realizing that maybe I’m just a substitute friend for everyone, even to people who call me their best friend. At this point, I don’t even know what "friend" really means. I feel like everyone secretly dislikes me, though maybe they don’t. They are kind, but when they laugh and have fun with their best friend groups, I feel left out. Maybe I try too hard to fit in. The only person who really knows what’s best for me is probably myself. Later, Malik, Keanu, and Ahmad came over to my house. My foster parents kept telling me to eat. Going to Tasik alone actually felt better. It seemed like only Aqsa was there for me. I also met a new friend, a girl with a music taste and aesthetic that matched mine almost perfectly.
Day 5
It was the last day living with my foster parents. My camera got used a lot for the final event even though I wasn’t part of the committee. I ended up talking more with Quinsa. The closing event involved water and honestly I was kind of annoyed about it. Saying goodbye to my foster parents made me sad though. On the bus ride home, Aqsa sat next to me and kept asking for dangdut songs, but in the end I made him listen to my kind of music instead.
Overall, everything was fine. But I just realized that I have friends and don’t have friends at the same time.
Song for today!
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